Finding Inspiration Through Informational Interviews

May 24, 2012 in General Life, God and Spirituality | Tags: , , , , , | 2 comments

Think back to when you graduated from college or graduate school. You went to the career services office at your school, looking to get a job lead, and instead, the career advisor told you to network and do informational interviews. Informational interviews!?

“I’m looking for a job. . .I have school loans. . .Informational interviews? Are you serious!!??”

Informational interviews are those networking things, where you find someone who is doing something interesting with their life and you talk to them. It’s less about trying to immediately get a job and more about gathering and sharing information.

After college, I knew about informational interviews, but just couldn’t bring myself to do them. Maybe it was because of the informational nature of the interviews. I didn’t buy into the idea that making connections could help me. Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert and going out of my way to speak with total strangers scared me.

“Hi, you don’t know me. Why would you know me? I’m really nobody, and your schedule is probably already full. After talking to me for five minutes you’ll wonder why you wasted your time by agreeing to this meeting. Sorry for wasting your time”

Yeah, those are my fears and insecurities talking.

Let’s try it again. . .

“Hi, I’m Darren. You don’t know me, but I got your information from ________________, and I understand you are doing some awesome things in your job. I know you’re really busy, but I was wondering, if you might be able to spare some time to chat with me and answer some questions about what you do?”

Okay, that didn’t seem at all awkward at all. In fact, it was much easier than I could have ever imagined.

This past year, as part of a special small group (called “Threshold”) on life direction (an experience I will discuss in greater depth in the future), we were asked to do informational interviews.

Through this process, what I’ve come to realize is that informational interviews are less about being put on the spot or having the perfect question, and more about simply entering into a conversation with another person. I have a much greater appreciation for conversation these days.

You sit down with people and you share about your life and they share about their life. In the course of this conversation, you share a little about yourself, but perhaps more importantly you listen. You listen to someone sharing their passions, hopes and dreams with you.

The people I spoke to for my interviews were not impressive in a Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg kind of way. No incredibly rich, famous or successful people.

For my informational interviews I spoke with . . .

  • An arts pastor at my church who wrote a play and blogged about the experience
  • An administrator of an organization (and a blog) trying share faith with the secular world
  • A woman who started a non-profit organization helping people find their life direction and who also wrote a memoir
  • A science fiction writer and blogger who also teaches writing
  • A man who opened up a home for Christians living in community, and who is writing a memoir

Through my interviews here is what I found. . .

  • Generosity and kindness
  • A willingness to sit with a total stranger and be honest
  • Inspiration
  • Encouragement

While these people were not incredibly famous or successful, they were nonetheless each remarkable in their own way. What I found were ordinary people living inspirational lives.

All of my worst fears were not realized, instead I found people who were generous with their time and kind with their replies. Never once did someone roll their eyes. There was not a single dismissive response. These people were humble, down to earth and honest. They were free with their advice and quick with an encouraging smile.

One of the more encouraging and surprising encounters involved Christopher, the arts pastor at my church. When I contacted Christopher,  I wasn’t even looking to interview him.  I had emailed him about wanting to connect to people attending our church who were also engaged in writing. I thought he might give me a name or two and send me on my way. Instead, Chris, starts talking about doing a writers lunch and getting a bunch of people together in a room to talk about writing.

As a result of this conversation, our church ends up hosting a writer’s lunch. Over twenty-five people ended up attending the lunch.  We sat down, talked a little about our writing and shared our work with one another. It was a remarkable experience, and one which left me incredibly thankful to be at a place where my gifts and my dreams are encouraged. I had contacted Christopher with very modest expectations and those expectations were exceeded beyond anything I could have imagined.

What all of this taught me is how sometimes I look too far afield for inspiration. All around me are people who are doing amazing things. All around me are people who have leveraged their talent and their passion in impressive ways for God.  They remind and show me how life is full of possibility. All it takes is a little courage and maybe an informational interview.

A Summer Adventure: On Writing a Better Story and Making Movies

May 17, 2012 in General Life, Parenting, Children and Family | Tags: , , , , , , , | 12 comments

A few weeks ago, I wrote about crafting a better story for my daughters. Awesome! What does this mean?

I had a plan. . .

I would create three or four different large scale projects. Each of these projects would allow my oldest daughter to explore, learn and discover. Each of these projects would have a service component, since I also wanted to model compassion and use this as a teaching moment.

For example. . .

Knights and Castles.

We would learn about the Middle Ages, skipping over “little things” like the black plague and the crusades.

We would talk about knighthood and about the qualities of knighthood. What makes a knight? We would create a personal crest or coat of arms, to represent the character and quality we would like to show others. Since knights help others and protect the weak, this would provide the basis for our service component. We would find a charity and develop a plan of support.

When I told my wife Carla about the plan, she told me to make sure I included stories about women.  “Yeah, yeah”, I told her, “I’ll include Joan of Arc.”

For our big and awesome project we would build a castle out of cardboard, and possibly build a catapult, since sometimes building is not half as much fun as destruction and mayhem.

I wanted to make learning fun and engage Johanna in something big and adventurous. The Knights and Castles thing didn’t have a lot of adventure, but it seemed like fun.

Some of the other projects were about arts, oceans, exploration and the outdoors.

So, what happened?

I enthusiastically shared my grand plan with Johanna and she was not impressed, and instead appeared  just a little bored by the whole idea.

It was a little deflating and disheartening to be sure. Why were these projects so unappealing? Was Johanna simply too young? Was it was because she was a physically active little girl? Did I need to develop a plan with more of an athletic component? Maybe the problem was me? Maybe she didn’t want to do a big project with her dad?

When I was just about to give up on the whole idea (at least for this year), I started thinking about the point of the whole project. Part of this was to make learning fun, and spend time with my daughter, but part of it was also to help Johanna find her interests and gifts. If she didn’t like my plan, maybe I needed to look to widen my scope, looking to other things and areas of interest.

Around this same time, I read the children’s book, “Amelia Makes a Movie” by David Milgrim which tells about a little girl who produces and acts in her own movie. It seemed fun and it also seemed “very Johanna”. My daughter loves to put on and act in her own little plays.

This could be a great summer project! I could teach my daughter about the elements of a story and we could work on the screenplay together. We could make our own set and we could involve my daughter’s friends, and the neighbor’s dog. Our entire family, including Emma,  would be the crew and the cast for our production.

While this could be a great summer project, I still wasn’t sure whether I wanted to present this to Johanna. It seemed a little too ambitious. I don’t have any technical savvy. In baseball, they sometimes call the catcher’s equipment, including the mask and the shin guards, “the tools of ignorance.” For me, “tools of ignorance”, pretty aptly describes my relationship to cameras and video editing software in general. For example, I spent almost a year wondering why all of the pictures from our Panasonic camera were coming out blurry. Was it a setting on the camera? Was there a problem with the automatic focus? Was it just a bad camera? Eventually, I figured out the problem. I had a big smudge on the lens of the camera. Duhh!

At the heart of my reticence was my fear of getting into something totally over my head. If we fail to get our movie done, I will have one very disappointed little girl and will look like an idiot. This is the risk. It’s not a huge risk, but it’s a risk nonetheless.

Two days ago I presented my daughter with my latest idea for a big summer project.

“We’re going to produce our own movie.”

What was my daughter’s response?

She loved it. She really, really loved it.

So, here I am sharing about our grand summer plan with all of you. While I would have enjoyed doing Knights and Castles with Johanna, I am tickled to see her so excited about our little movie project. While there is a risk of failure, I’ve come to realize that with any really good adventure there is the possibility of failure.

For a moment, I wondered whether I should even share about this project with you. After all, what if the movie never happens? For me, sharing our grand summer project with you here is my way of doubling down and going all in.

We’re Making a Movie!

Wanted Actors and Actresses, Camera operators and Film Editors!

Must be willing to work for Fiber One bars, freshly squeezed orange juice and spaghetti dinners. Please send all inquiries here.

So, now for the down and dirty of our project. I am not really sure about the steps I need to take to make this happen. Thankfully, we have a Flip Video Camera, which we bought last spring; however, I probably need to buy some video editing software. Any suggestions? Any suggestions on some good books about making your own movie?

Living the Incremental Life: Baby Steps, Raising Kids and Having a Little Faith

May 16, 2012 in General Life, God and Spirituality, Parenting, Children and Family | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

I’ve often shared that there is nothing more challenging than being a parent.

There is no handbook for parenthood, and any book claiming to be “exhaustive” or “complete” on the subject is lying to you. They are just telling you those things, so you think they have the answers, in order to sell books.

My oldest daughter Johanna is passionate and headstrong. She professes to hate school, thinks church is boring, and often wishes she was an only child.  My youngest daughter Emma is a typical three-year old, and has a pleasant and easy-going nature, but if you asked Johanna, her youngest sister is the worst person in the world.

This is all on a bad day.

Sometimes it seems as if the bad days outnumber the good ones, and yet I live for the days of hope and encouragement. Today was a good day.  Homework came easily and without complaints or tears. Johanna was kind and compassionate towards Emma, and when Emma came out of her bedroom after her bedtime, she told us, “If we have free day, Sissy needs a play-date with her friends.”

Sometimes life is lived incrementally and the change we experience is incremental.  Unfortunately I think “incremental” sometimes gets a bad rap. Incremental is less than “all out.” Incremental is too measured and cautious. Nevertheless, despite all of my hopes and wishes, I have found that our progress in life is often incremental and things take time.  Sometimes this pace of change seems like failure, because it happens so slowly and inconsistently. It’s easy to be discouraged on those bad days.

Spending time with my children, I’m reminded how life is often incremental and the change and progress of our lives is often uneven.

Faith is also incremental. It’s easy for me to focus on the “faith moments” of the Bible, when people are doing great and extravagant things. I see the disciples leaving their nets and following Jesus. There is Peter preaching at Pentecost and people turning to God.  A cripple is healed and the people are amazed that such a thing could be done by ordinary men. These are the faith moments, and yet I need to remind myself that for every faith moment, there was Peter going in the opposite direction. There are the the disciples falling asleep, doubting Jesus or even scattering. Faith was often and just as easily followed by failure, all reminding me how faith and life are sometimes incremental. Faith is not about one decision, instead it’s often about many small decisions each day. Faith is about taking baby-steps and sometimes babies fall on their unpadded bottoms.

My own journey of faith has been one of incremental baby steps, and yes, sometimes like Bill Murray in “What About Bob” there have been moments of panicked screams when I feel over my head. In those moments where my faith seems to falter, and my kids are having a bad day, I would be good to remember how these things do not happen in a day, or in a hundred days. Faith, like raising children, often takes place over time, incrementally. Baby steps.

A Chance Encounter: Finding Serendipity and Friendship

May 11, 2012 in General Life | Tags: , , , , | 8 comments

At a conference this past week, I had dinner with someone who shared a remarkable story with me about a seemingly chance encounter.

Rick was having dinner with a friend at a hotel bar. After dinner, Rick stuck around for some drinks and took up a conversation with an elderly African American man. Rick discovered his new friend Joe was eighty five years old and had lived an extraordinary and full life. He had fought in WWII, participated in the Civil Rights movement and had been friends with some pretty famous people.

With a long day ahead of him and the time nearing 10 o’clock Rick stood up to take his leave.

But Joe would have none of it and told him, “You’re coming with me.”

They hailed a cab, and Joe directed the cab to a local club. When they arrived at the club, it became clear that Joe was on his home turf. Everyone seemed to know his name. He didn’t even have to pay the cover charge. They sat down and had some drinks.

At one point Joe stepped away leaving Rick sitting alone at the table with his drink. Looking to the stage of the club, Rick was stunned to see his friend Joe on the stage leading a band and singing Jazz. Apparently Joe was a Jazz singer and a good one.

After the night ended Rick later discovered from the hotel bartender, that Joe was a regular, and that he always talked with different people and would invite them to a night of jazz.

When I heard Rick’s story, it totally blew me away. There was a kind of beautiful serendipity about it. Rick goes to a restaurant, has a few drinks and meets an extraordinarily spry older gentleman, who shares something of his life and in turn gives Rick a night on the town, treating him to a little music.

As someone who has worked in healthcare and business, my life is often about boundaries and about maintaining boundaries. It’s about safety and avoiding risk. As a Christian who made his home at a very conservative church, life was also all about boundaries. Life seemed filled with things I shouldn’t  be doing. It’s fair to say that having a drink at a bar and going out with a total stranger would be one of those things I shouldn’t be doing. Moreover, if I were to meet a total stranger, shouldn’t I try to witness, give him a tract, or share my faith. In living this very safe and earnest life, I lost the capacity to make friends and to relate to people on a basic human level. The reason why, what happened to Rick would never happen to me, is because I would probably never let it happen to me. Moreover, if I was an eighty five year old man, I likely wouldn’t be meeting people and inviting them out on the town, I would be sitting at home watching television and eating cereal.

In hearing Rick’s story, I couldn’t help but think that there is a part of life, I’ve never experienced. I never experienced this part of life, because of fear and because I’ve been paying too much attention to boundaries and to what has become the most important word in my vernacular, “should.” My life sometimes feels full of the word “should.”

All of this left me feeling a little wistful, as if I should be less afraid, less concerned with boundaries, less concerned with being safe. I am not sure, whether it’s being intentional about meeting people like Joe, or whether it’s being open to chance encounters like Rick, but I would like to make these kinds of connections.

Implicit in the act of friendship is the need to take risk and to push the boundaries of where I  feel safe. All of this reminds me how friendship is in itself an act of faith.

Following My Calling (Part #3)

May 9, 2012 in General Life, God and Spirituality | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

This is a continuation of a multipart series on my journey involving calling.

For Part #2 of Following My Calling

Although, I gained alot from the speakers at Discovery Weekend, I wouldn’t want you to think that this was one of those conferences where you just sit and listen to someone talk for several hours. One of the most important parts (if not the most important part) of Discovery Weekend comes in participation. Perhaps with the understanding that each of us have different gifts and leanings, at Discovery Weekend, we engaged in exercises giving us the opportunity to explore those things that give us the greatest joy.

Besides hearing the many stories of men and woman following their own calling, we also engaged in our own form of story-telling. Through different exercises, each person attending Discovery Weekend, shared something of their own story with others in a small group setting. First of all, hearing other’s share their own stories is inspiring in itself. There is something sacred about hearing someone share the most significant parts of their life with you. Through the sharing of stories and the feedback received, I was also able to become aware of God’s voice in my own life. I found the common threads of my life.

I’ve actually shared parts of many of my stories on this blog, but through sharing these windows into my life with others at Discovery Weekend I realized the following:

1)      The creative process is important for me.

2)      The most important part of the creative process is not necessarily the outcome, but instead it is the process itself.

Whether it was me taking an art class, developing new programs at work, or giving Bible Study, the creative process has been an important part of my life. Oftentimes, the results were lacking, but that did not lessen the joy or blessing of engaging in the process.

When we focus on things like results and success, it’s easy to get discouraged and bogged down. We sometimes find it hard to even start something, since if the inevitable result is failure, why bother even trying. Anytime we don’t measure up to our idea of “success” we label the result a failure, but does this accurately gauge the value of our experience?

For example, think about prayer. We pray to God and ask for His help. We intercede for others. We pray for a job, for a sick friend, or for a child who is having problems coping in school. Sometimes, there is an answer and we experience a miracle, but something nothing happens. In those moments, even when our prayers have not been answered, we have dared to dream and to ask God for the impossible. We have engaged in a conversation with Jesus. The very nature of faith is that sometimes we do not receive the object of our faith, and yet in trusting and walking with Jesus, we receive something even better. We receive Jesus.

One of direct results of Discovery Weekend is this blog and my own writing.  A little over a year ago, I would never have had the courage to start this blog. Who am I anyway? I am nobody of importance. I am not a pastor. I don’t have a PhD. Where’s this blog headed? What’s the point? What if this blog fails? What if nobody reads my blog? Is this just a vanity project? It would be easy to hear the voices of doubt in my head (see Following My Calling #1)and to never start writing at all, and yet here I am one year later.

I started putting my thoughts into words and into writing on this blog, because after Discovery Weekend, I found something beautiful and valuable in this process.  Through my writing here, I’ve found meaning, healing and even forgiveness. I’ve asked questions. I’ve renewed my relationship with Jesus, and I’ve tried to discover how I might become a better friend, a more attentive father, and a more considerate husband.

After Discovery Weekend, I still wasn’t sure about my calling, but in the midst of it all, I discovered God wanted to redeem my life. I have many regrets, and live with the knowledge of years lost at a church where the gospel was perverted into something grotesque. I was given a puzzle with missing pieces where life seemed limited and distorted. Through it all, it’s comforting to know I have a God who’s capable of redeeming and renaming those shameful parts of my past. I don’t entirely know how this might be accomplished, maybe in small part through my writing, but I look forward to seeing how even the difficult parts of my own life might be used to bless others. As I reflect on Discovery Weekend, I see it as a time, where I could appreciate the puzzle of Life God has given me. There’s so much going on here on this puzzle. It is more than I could ever imagine. It’s a puzzle where beautiful stories are told, where I am presented with a tapestry of possibilities and where I am allowed to dream.

What About You? What’s Your Dream?

This is the third of a multipart series on following my calling. In the next part, I will share about my experience after Discovery Weekend taking me up to the present day.

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